So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
