By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
