I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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