I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Randomize
