It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
