the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
