ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
