mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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