haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
