I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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