i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
