Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
