Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
