what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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