please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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