We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
