i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
