OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
