On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
