Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
