Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
