i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
