I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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