____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
