I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
