somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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