We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize