spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
