She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
