I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
