i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
