Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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