the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
