When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
