Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
