I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Come see our sink grown plant.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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