I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
