I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
