There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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