I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
