Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
