I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
