End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
