"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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