help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
