You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
