We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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