i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
