remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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