I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
