butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize