He had one of those small greek statue penises
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
