Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
