But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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