rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
