Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I believe in your delicious
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize