Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize