What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
