I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
