so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
