I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
