I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
