You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
