He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize