she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
