non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
my liver is dry heaving
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
