Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
