I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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