Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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