so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
