I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
