I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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