the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
