My hand turned me down
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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