I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have fence marks all over my body
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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