So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
