I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
