i just had sex bonerless
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
