i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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